A friend directed me here and the wave of emotion I felt reading it surprised me. We have long taught Coach Rapper breathing techniques, and he he liked to go into the cat shed to meditate and would do so throughout the summer of his own accord, just to get some space or to retreat from the chaos of 3 boys in under 5 years plunked in a yurt in the bush with no utilities. Let it be known that Coach Rapper is as quirky as I am (or Mr.T) and all of the craziness of the last few years hasn’t been quite what I would have planned if I well, was capable of planning for a high needs baby who didn’t sleep through the night until he was 3, or maybe it was chronic lack of sleep that made us think we should jump ship and homestead. Somehow we have totally dropped this since we left Erie Kingdom and made our way to the city. The combo of the faster paced life, leaving Daddy behind for a month, starting school- he has really been struggling the last few weeks with anxiety.
I don’t like my life he said,
when did he get so introspective?
deep breath, rolling thoughts, calm.
it’s hard he said, to be the oldest, I want to be the baby instead
It’s loud he said, my head it hurts
my brothers are too crazy
My head feels weird, my head feels numb
Try breathing deep, another breath
in through the nose and out through the mouth
his growing body all legs and arms relaxes
go ahead and breath my sun, clear your mindfulness
Mama, I almost never feel lonely or sad he said, I carry you in my head”
With his last hurrah’s, he thanked me for our family bed.
This will take you to an awesome data visualization of the safety of the HPV VAX.
He groaned in pleasure as he washed his hands with the pearly pink soap in the Visitor Center’s washroom.
This is the BEST HOLIDAY EVER!
Yep, I had just pulled into Sparwood to see the Largest Truck In The World.
I’ve NEVER stopped for the kids at the truck before. I’ve never driven the Southern route in 3 days instead of 2 before. *I* feel like I am on holiday, and that’s a great feeling after a month of mostly single parenting. The Super 8 was fine, but the Days Inn is really nice and feels like a major treat even though it was cheap off of http://priceline.ca
Seeing the world through these eyes is such a gift.
They alert me to beauty all around me. They alert me to misery all around me. I want more beauty than misery in their lives. This is the gift my parents gave me. In the car the boys play, talk to each other, fight, and spend a lot of time looking out the window. We don’t have any babysitting devices in the car. We used to, a portable DVD player, for a couple of years, we used it a ton. It broke shortly before Finn was born and neither boy even notices. However, today it took us 9-10 hours to complete a 5 hour drive. This is most I’ve ever enjoyed travelling with the kids, which is remarkable because it is a 3 day, 14 hour drive alone with 3 boys 5 and under.
The difference is a) nice weather and b) time to actually stop and enjoy the view
view c) stopping and doing enough fun stuff that my kids realize that their siblings really are their best friends. That’s pretty much how life on Erie Mountain is in the spring/summer- like an extended summer vacation a peter pan land of no bathtubs, showers in waterfalls, nightly fires, rope swings in trees, early morning hikes while the clover is still damp and the air still cool. Sweltering Kootenay afternoons in a cold mountain lake nestled between green peaks. Experiencing the seasons by integration. This is the why.
The easy movement, lack of pretension
I watch laugh pauses, all their deep breaths
They are alone. Fragile. I am still the mothership
and can see their minds crunching away without
calculating I am not him.
Open,a book of boys, they play
Lithe bodies rolling and climbing
Exploring movement; Because.
I cherish these moments; Because.
“Secret club of Erie Mountain,
Hip hip hooray -we’re going home”
The how isn’t quite as intuitive or poetic. It will be hard. So hard that I couldn’t face the first night straight up, I need to arrive in the day time so I can acclimatize without having a panic attack. I’m learning to figure out what I can handle, and what I can’t. I’m going back with the understanding the kids and I will leave in the fall the second I am not handling it. I’m really hoping we can get this lovely summer home winterized over the next few months and we can spend our 1st winter in Erie Kingdom. The combo of post partum mood disorder and off grid living was just way too much for me to handle.
Today is the day. A small bird is caged in my chest trying to get free.
All of these pics are SOOC, no cropping, no editing. I would love any critique. I`m just starting to feel at ease holding a DSLR. I don`t have time to edit, so I`m just working on getting it right in camera.
PS. The water in Cranbrook tastes like fish in April.
PPS. Makes me scared to try the lobby coffee.
PPPS. Free hot breakfast!!! Love the Days Inn, Cranbrook!